(Who He Says I am Poem Series)

Hurt People

Why do I feel hurt?

Why do I hurt?

Why do I hurt those closest to me?

Why am I in pain?

Is this even real?

I lose control

I don’t know how to let go

I procrastinate

I give up

I guess I’ll watch this

I guess I’ll do this

I guess I’ll numb this

Before I know it I become this

This monster

The very thing I feared

I have now become

I’m in denial

There’s no way I could of done this

Why would I do this

How could I be so stupid

Might as well blame

Might as well shame

Is this just a game

I just want to wake up

From this slumber

Hoping it was just a dream

But I pinch myself

Oh God this is real

Is this really happening

If only I wasn’t hurt

If only I listened

If only I had control

Why am I selfish?

Why do I speak so much hate over myself?

I’m broken

I don’t know what to do

I need help

God forgive me

I can’t do this alone

Please don’t give up on me

I promise

So many empty promises

But I promise this time

I will change

I messed up

I’m scared

I don’t want to relapse

I want to be strong

I want to be courageous 

I want to be free

I’m tired of being tormented

Get out of my head

Leave me alone

Why am I my worst enemy?

I need peace

I need hope

Because I’m on my last rope

I don’t know where else to go

But to you God

If only you knew

Yet you do

If only you were there

Yet you were

If only you helped me

Yet help is here

If you only you could forgive

It is already done

If only you could heal this heart

Yet I’m healed

I can’t lose these scars

But I can learn from them

I can’t change back time

But I can change my future

I may never understand why someone hurt me

But I can stop hurting others

I can break the cycle

I can become the man I’ve always wanted to become

It may take time

It may be hard

It may cost everything

It may bring back old memories

But for the first in my life

I’m not going to do this on my own

I have people that count on me

I have people that believe in me

I have people who trust me

I have people who love me

I have people who know me

I don’t have to share this burden alone

There is even hope and redemption for someone like me